Drunken Programmer, What Would You Do?
I'm sure most of you know the drunken sailor song ("What do you do with a drunken sailor . . . early in the morning?" "Shave his belly with a rusty razor."). Now, I'm not saying I drink and code, but this has to have happened, where a bevy of college hackers program until they drop. Or at least, until one drops and the herd descends on him (or her) like the white cells in Fantastic Voyage.
So, you should find a link to the original song somewhere, then submit your lyrics to me as comments. Here are a couple verses to get you started.
"Make him code in C but compile in Assembler"
"Set his keyboard layout to Dvorak style."
"Give him decaf cola in a rusty old Jolt can."